Is loneliness a Curse??

So here I am sitting down in my office and feeling low as ever. why? simply because am broke. Yep! girls like me do get broke. So am frustrated cause my wallet is empty and my acct is low plus I have no clue where the next pay check is coming from.

Yeah! life does suck like that some times. funny thing is that I am not hungry. so I do eat every day, in fact I have food at home but I can't pay for my monthly Internet subscription( most of my business stuff is done online) I can't pay for my phone monthly subscription( that really sucks) and plus am beginning to watch my fuel very carefully..lol! 

Now what amazes me is that most people around me feel am good. They feel am doing good. they feel am boiling in dollars and to make matters worse I don't know where to borrow from. Well true I don't really have friends. It's so bad that my son told me so...

" mummy it's good to make friends"...... he said to me

 " but I do have friends" ...... I replied 

 " like who?"....... responds with an annoying smirk on his face

and I went quiet. 

"wow! so am that on my own?"... I wondered.  interesting?

It wasn't like this in the beginning. In fact I used to be so friendly. I used to love making friends to the point that my mum used to worry that I spent too much time with my friends than  my studies.

Yeah! I had that many friends. Now fast forward ten years later and my phone can stay ideal for days without a phone call from someone I know. I do have clients call but not friends. there are times that I feel so down and want to call someone. I look at my phone scroll down and can't dial no one on my phone contacts..lol!

So why don't I make new friends? well I tried, I tried picking girls I knew I would like to be friends with but let's just say it didn't work out. So now I have grown comfortable in my loneliness ( mehn that just sounds sad). It so bad that when some old friends ask what's up? I say fine even when it's not. 

I even had a friend visit me  yesterday and he asked me how I was?

I was like " am fine!

he looked at me and said "Imoh your not"

I smiled and said...... " I am"

he still said........" Imoh I know you are not"

the room went silent and I just kept on smiling.

he kept on starring at me and decided to change the topic

He stayed less than five minutes and he was gone, it's funny cause typical me likes to have company but it amazed me how I easily let him go. I walked him to his car and he had this look on his face like ..." what's really going on with you" but then he decided to let it go

I don't blame him. This is a guy that I used to call to simply just gist him about what happening in my life but now am tired of complaining. Am tired of just talking about what just ain't working out. I really don't know why but I have lost faith in people so therefore I see no reason to complain to them. 

So why am I writing this? sincerely I don't know but I guess there are ladies like me who have gotten to a point that loneliness is their friend an no matter what they are going through. They still keep their mouth shut. It's okay, it's alright your still sane..loll!

So tell me do you feel loneliness is a curse?